and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize
