I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
