Barsexuality is the new black.
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
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