well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
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