I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
