I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
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