i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
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