Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize
