She went from zero to smokin in five shots
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
Randomize
