Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Randomize
