It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
