I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Randomize
