well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
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