yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
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