He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
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