my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
