Got a toothbrush?
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
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