I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
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