I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
