i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
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