I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
