i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Randomize
