i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
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