his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
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