I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Randomize
