is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
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