Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
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