onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
We smell like vodka and hangover
Randomize
