I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
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