winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
Randomize
