No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize