I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
