just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
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