Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
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