I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
