I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Randomize
