anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
