Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
