I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
I don't want my vagina anymore.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
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