I hate all girls vehemently.
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Randomize
