imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
Randomize
