Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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