i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
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