Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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