please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
Randomize
