I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
