dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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