I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Randomize
