whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
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