Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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