if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
