I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
Randomize
