we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize