She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
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