We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
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