capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Randomize
