she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
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