i don't plan on having that self control this summer
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
Randomize