did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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