Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
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