I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
