Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Randomize
