I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
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