dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
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