i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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