My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
Randomize