so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize
