you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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