Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
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