oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
