The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Randomize
