Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
