so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
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