the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
Randomize