i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
Randomize