my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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