it's too hot outside to masturbate.
I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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