U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize