Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
