No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
3pm strippers are depressing
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Randomize
