ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
Randomize