when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize