The best revenge is premature balding
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
Randomize
