hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Randomize
