Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize
