I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
Someone shit on the floor
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
