Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
