At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
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