i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
